You Don’t Have to Relate to Lead Well

Modern leadership isn’t about being relatable. Learn how curiosity, clarity, and presence can help you lead a diverse, multigenerational workforce effectively.

Introduction

A senior executive once told me, “I just don’t get what drives them.” He was talking about his younger team members. Different communication styles, priorities, and even humor made him feel disconnected.

If you’ve ever felt the same, you’re not alone. Many leaders struggle to connect with a modern workforce that’s more diverse—in age, culture, and mindset—than ever before.

But here’s what I’ve learned: you don’t need to fully relate to lead well. You just need to stay curious.

Main Insight: Curiosity Over Relatability

Leaders often try to “relate” by finding common ground or drawing from their own experience—“When I was your age…” or “Back in my day…”

But leadership isn’t about nostalgia or similarity. It’s about relevance.

When you stop trying to prove you understand everything, you become more present. You start asking better questions. You listen not just to what’s said, but to what’s left unsaid.

Curiosity opens the door to trust. It helps you see how different people view risk, motivation, and success. And in a multigenerational team, that’s where the real connection begins.

Common Mistakes Leaders Make

Even well-meaning leaders can fall into patterns that disconnect them from their teams. Here are a few common ones:

Trying too hard to be relatable. In doing so, leaders can come across as out of touch or inauthentic.

Assuming everyone is motivated by the same things. What inspired you early in your career might not resonate with someone entering the workforce today.

Avoiding tough conversations. Many leaders delay difficult feedback for the sake of “keeping the peace,” but clarity is a form of respect.

Confusing empowerment with delegation. Giving someone responsibility without guidance isn’t empowerment—it’s abdication.

Talking more than listening. Overexplaining or overmentoring can leave little room for others to think, contribute, or grow.

Framework: Leading Through Curiosity

To lead effectively without always relating, use this simple four-part framework:

1. Stay Curious, Not Certain.

Replace “I know what they mean” with “Help me understand what you mean.” This small shift invites dialogue and shows humility.

2. Communicate with Clarity.

Your tone and message should be consistent—whether in a townhall, a quick Slack message, or a 1:1. Clarity builds trust faster than charm.

3. Create Space and Support.

Empowerment is about providing both autonomy and guidance. Set clear goals, then give your team the space to figure out how to reach them.

4. Handle Tough Talks Early.

Address friction or misalignment quickly and respectfully. Difficult conversations done early prevent resentment and strengthen trust.

Practical Lessons

Here are a few lessons leaders can start applying right away:

Empathetic leadership isn’t about being nice. It’s about being clear, present, and following through.

Adapt your communication style, not your principles. The way you connect may change, but your message and values should remain consistent.

Model first, then step back. Let your team learn from your example, but don’t dominate the space.

Focus on shared purpose. When goals are clear and meaningful, generational differences fade.

Ask “why” more often. Curiosity signals respect—and respect drives engagement.

Conclusion and Call to Action

Leadership isn’t about figuring people out. It’s about working things out together.

When we stop trying to relate and start staying curious, we create space for real collaboration. We listen better. We understand deeper. And we lead from a place of respect rather than assumption.

At the end of the day, people don’t need perfect leaders. They need leaders who actually see and hear them.

FAQs

Q. How do I lead a global or remote team effectively?

Focus on consistency and context. Communicate expectations clearly and make time for one-on-one check-ins that build trust across time zones and cultures.

Q. What is the most common mistake new managers make?

Trying to be liked instead of being clear. Leadership isn’t about popularity—it’s about purpose, communication, and accountability.

Q. How can I balance empathy with accountability?

Empathy means understanding someone’s perspective. Accountability means holding them to shared commitments. The best leaders do both by setting expectations early and checking in regularly.